Anniversary Blues

Today is our 2nd anniversary and I celebrate with mix emotions. I am eternally and amazingly blessed to have my husband. I waited for years to find him and some days it still doesn't feel real. He is so good to me, so kind, honest, loving and compassionate. He is the perfect husband for me and I am grateful beyond words.

However, today, as happy as I am, I am sad. Sad that we can't celebrate this anniversary with a baby. Sad that we can't celebrate with even a pregnant belly or a positive test. At the mall today I noticed every baby in sight. Since Thanksgiving and the gift of my sister-in-law, I have been doing better. I've been more positive and thankful for my life and what it is. But at times like this (on CD3) it's hard to see the silver lining.

We do have an appointment with a new RE in January, but it seems so far away. I'm sure there will be many tests and hoops to jump through before we start treatment, so I'm bracing myself for what's ahead. I want to have hope. I want to have SO much hope, but I'm being careful..  cautious. I believe this is cycle #25 and that's hard to swallow. I honestly didn't think that we'd be waiting this long. But then again, I assumed that it would be hard. I'm kind of a pessimist. I think it's a defense mechanism. If you assume the worst, you can only be pleasantly surprised when things work out. Isn't that awful?? lol

Here I am, trying to feel more positive on the 3rd biggest day of our relationship. I know I will muster up the happiness and have a good time tonight (we're going to a fancy restaurant) but in the mean time, I might be deep in thought..  Dreaming of our someday-baby and if we'll ever meet her.

So here's to the infertiles. I'll drink a few for you and hold you close to my heart tonight. This can be a long, difficult, lonely road and sometimes we all need someone to just think of us. So I will.