The Most Unfortunate Place for an Infertile

Today's a big day. Today I took my first birth control pill. I can't believe the irony of how exciting that is. What's more, you should ask me where I got my birth control.

Planned Parenthood.

Oh yes.

I ordered BCP, Prednisone, Folic Acid, and Synthroid from my clinic in Czech. They shipped it over a month ago and, as of yesterday, it hadn't arrived. It's lost somewhere in post office land. This has plagued me with anxiety over the last few weeks. I've stalked our mail man on several occasions. I've gone to our post office several times to see if they have it. Nothing.

Extreme measures had to be taken. Where is an easy place to get birth control? Yep. So I went. Needless to say, it wasn't enjoyable.

I arrived at 12:15 and filled out my paperwork. 30 minutes later I asked to use their restroom so they let me back and handed me a cup. "What's this for?" I asked. "A pregnancy test." "Oh, well I don't need it, I just got my period today." "It's procedure, we have to test you."

I'd be lying if I said that didn't sting a little. What stung worse was when they gave me the results. "You're not pregnant, don't worry."

Oh, wow. Okay. For the first time in 35 cycles of trying, someone else said that to me aloud. Yes, I'm well aware that I'm not pregnant, that's why I'm here at your trashy little establishment!

The nurse came in and we went over my information. I told her why I needed the BCP and she understood. After she left the room I overheard her talking with the doctor and another girl. "So she's here for BCP for her IVF cycle."  "What's IVF?" (um, can you imagine asking this  now?)  "It's in vitro-fertilization (moron!)"  "Well why does she need BC for IVF?"   "To regulate her cycle."

I wanted to burst out of the room and tell that idiot asking all the questions to google once in a while!! I knew what IVF years ago, before I was married, before thinking of babies, before understanding infertility. Ugh, the ignorance!

But I didn't do that. I just sat in the room.. waiting.. humiliated.

I got my prescription and left as fast as I could. Cried in the car, naturally. We managed to convince an RE in the area to write me prescriptions for the rest of the medication I needed. I wish I had just asked him for the BC and saved myself another awful experience.


But here I am, my first day of BCP. I have my medication schedule for the next few weeks. I hope the end of this month goes by fast. I've been occupying myself with buying a few things for the trip. I need a new purse - the straps are falling apart, this is a great excuse. I'm also looking for leggings and some jeans shirts to wear once I start doing injections and become a human pincushion. I can't imagine feeling comfortable in jeans once that starts.

I'm trying to stay positive - I've started saying "when" we get pregnant instead of "if." I have no idea what effect this has, if any, but it can't hurt. I just wished I fully believed it. Maybe it'll be different once we're there. Once I'm pumped full of hormones and they start taking pictures of my ovaries. Maybe then I'll feel hopeful, positive, even confident.

So I wait. Just a little longer.