Friday, September 23, 2016

It's been five, long years now

It's been years since I've posted. I stopped being hopeful. Stopped wanting to share our journey. But, for better or worse, here's what's happened in my absence.

We miscarried Leo at 8.5 weeks in November 2013. We had no embryos left. No backup plan. I went into a terrible depression.

In November of 2015 we tried IVF again at Premier Fertility in High Point, NC. We were "successful" having one embryo transferred and two frozen. I had a chemical pregnancy shortly after our fresh transfer.

Cut to June 2016: we attempted twice to do an FET. We were sandbagged as the clinic was closing on us and didn't inform us until well after we started the second attempt at the FET. Our first attempt was cancelled due to my elevated TSH. Being concerned about this during our second FET attempt, I wanted to come in on CD 14 for my ultrasound but was told the doctor was not in. It was bullshit. They were closing and their hours were abbreviated. They were willing to put my embryos at risk, not transfer them into a well-timed uterus, but just to get it over with so they wouldn't have to owe us any money.

Long story short, we ended up moving our embryos to NCCRM in Cary, NC. It was incredibly traumatic. I'm the only person I know who's ever personally moved her embryos to another clinic. I don't think anyone understands how difficult that was. They were in a container in my back seat for an hour and a half. JP was on a business trip. I was alone.

But we made it there and now the embryos are (hopefully) healthy and waiting for us at NCCRM. I have no idea what we're going to do next. Maybe we'll do an FET, maybe we'll do a fresh cycle to get more embryos.

If I was honest, I'd say I have little to no hope for this embryos. They've been through too much. I think that's why I want to do (our third) IVF. Some people understand this, others don't. I've stopped attempting to appease others' curiosity by explaining my reasoning.

And that's where we are.

1 comment:

  1. Oh gosh. What a long, hard three years since your transfer in Czech Republic. When there wasn't an update after your positive test, I had always hoped you found success and moved beyond this blog. I'm so sorry to hear that these years have been filled with so much heartache and pain. Hoping you can find a way forward soon.