Fortunately we got in and outta there pretty quickly. And big news for me: I bought a pregnancy test. No, no, I don't think I'm pregnant, although I suppose it is possible (currently on 7dpiui) but I want to actually check this time. Normally I'll just temp until the end of a cycle and can predict exactly when AF will show up, but this time I want to see if I'm getting "a little pregnant" and then losing it. So for real this time, I'm gonna test on 11dpiui. I'm not expecting anything miraculous, but then again, my God is the God of miracles.
Onto more hilarious things..
I have a friend person who I've fallen out with as of late. Nothing spectacularly bad happened, but we just kind of parted ways. It was prompted by her inability to regulate what she'd say around me. More often than not I'd leave her presence feeling just a little bit awful and it was always due to my infertility and her lack of empathy. Or at least the amount of empathy that I require.
I guess I'm a little hard on my friends that way. I've learned that you can't control the outside world (see: Target) but you can control who you befriend. In the past I would have probably kept someone around who occasionally insulted me, but since the knife cuts so deep with infertility, I can't spare the extra blood. I need my heart intact. I've learned that the easiest way to do this is simply distance yourself from those who don't have your best interest in mind. Oh, they may say they do, but their actions speak a different story.
Which brings me to the funny part. She recently lost her job (okay, that's not so funny) and I found this out in an email she wrote me. To give her credit, she was reaching out but I was definitely stiff-arming her. Part of my brain wants to just make her my friend again so there'll be no conflict, but the other part knows that I'll just feel crappy again, and that's the part I listen to.
Well I never responded to this email (sorry if I didn't feel heartbroken that she lost her job.. I had just finished a second failed IUI and would take a job loss over that any day) so she eventually wrote me again asking if I had moved. I decided to be cordial and told her we were planning to move in a few weeks and asked if she had found work yet. Her response was short: No, she hadn't found work yet. I had to restrain myself from responding what I really wanted to say... Here are a few snippits that popped into my head:
"Just relax, it'll happen."
"Are you sure you're looking for jobs correctly? Maybe you're looking for the wrong position."
"Oh I understand.. My best friend's cousin's next door neighbor lost a job too. It was so sad."
"You should just intern somewhere! It's not a paying position, but at least you'll have something to do with your time!"
"Seriously?? You can have my job! I'm so busy I can hardly stand it!!"
"You just lost your job? Oh that's such a bummer. I just got hired at the best job ever!! I'm so thrilled!!"
"Maybe you were just working too hard, so they had to let you go. Ya never know.."
"I swear, when you stop looking for a job, that's when you'll find one."
"My husband has more jobs than he can handle! I swear he sleeps and he makes money!"
"I knew a girl who took a crappy job, then whaddya know, the next month her dream job fell into her lap!"
and my personal favorite...
"That's just awful. My uncle got laid off from a job once. He never found another. Poor guy. He died alone."
I should be a career counselor.
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