"Please, God, not today.."

We visited a new church today. It was ginormous. So big that they needed multiple signs to tell you how to get to where you wanted to go. And I think they had about 80 bathrooms. But we've been searching for a new church for months and we felt pretty confident about this one. I particularly felt good about it.

You see, I was actually feeling good when I woke up today. With the impending d-day (I refuse to use the "m" word anymore), I felt relatively calm and level-headed. We'd been having a great weekend and enjoyed doing regular couple things and especially enjoyed not having to move anything. That was the big plus. We just relaxed.  Oh and we also chose a puppy who will be coming home next week! But I'll talk more about that in another post..

So considering my frame of mind this morning, I thought for sure that this service would be easy to sit through, enjoyable and maybe we'd even chat with some patrons afterwards.

But all that changed the minute we sat down.

Being in the upper balcony, we squinted to see several people congregating at the front of the stage. "Oh no," we said, glancing at one another. "Please, God, not today. I'm really trying..." I thought. But to my dismay, those two dreadful words flashed up on the screens:

Baby Dedication Day

Noooooooo!!!!!!!!!  WHY?!?!?  Why today of all days?!  Why can't we just catch a break already?! Why does this misery follow us around like a plague?!?

I wanted to leave. At that moment, I wanted to get up and run to the nearest exit. But we stayed. Shrunken in our seats, we agonized through all 20 minutes (no kidding) of this painful morning. I cringed at every baby's face that was plastered on the screen and even more so when the congregation "ooo" and "ahh-ed" at each one. And it was like a knife in my heart when the pastor would talk only to the parents and grandparents and leave out the bleeding hearts who so desperately wanted to join their elusive club.

Needless to say, it crushed my peaceful state of mind. I was officially in a funk. I couldn't even tell you what the rest of the sermon was about. With all the people scattered around us, I didn't feel the need to censor my eye-rolling. It probably wasn't the most Christianly thing to do, but I was worn down. Tired of going from church to church and feeling the same way. Tired of putting on a brave face when inside I was crumbling. It was just too much. Too hard.

After the sermon was over, we bolted out the door and decided to do something we never do. Go out to lunch! Yes, I know that might seem silly to you, but we're very frugal people. Going out to eat is not a normal option for us, but I had a bucket full of feelings that needed to be eaten, and that could only be done with a big delicious sandwich. So eat them I did.

And that was my morning.