Weeded Out.

So I've been learning about natural selection lately. And in learning more about this subject, an idea keeps nagging at my brain: In the animal world, we would be the ones weeded out. Nature is sending us a message that our genes are not fit to be passed on. But despite this message, and nature's plan to encourage a stronger, healthier human race, it occurs to me that we don't necessarily fall into this category.

Why? Because we are not godless. Animals, while I believe they are soulless, are a part of nature. They are products of their environment and live and die as such. We are more than that. I can't help but think of Sarah and Abraham. At the age she conceived Isaac was nothing short of miraculous. But, according to nature, and if we followed its code, Abraham would have left Sarah and found another mate to pass along his genes. But God had other plans for that couple.

Just as He has other plans for us.

For a while here, I've been lost. I've wandered a bit. My prayer life hasn't been what it should be and I've known it. After the last failed fertility treatment, my heart closed itself off a bit. I know it was wrong. For the most part, I've been receptive to His teaching throughout this journey, but I retreated. I'm back now. I'm done wallowing. Even if every fiber of my being tells me that I am entitled to wallow, I know that God can relieve me of my heartache, that I don't need to drown myself in its shallow waters to feel that I'm grieving.

I looked back today on how many times I've asked God to give me joy and peace and hope, and how many moments I must have taken for granted that the sting of infertility didn't pierce my heart as deeply as it could have. How often he shielded me from pain that would've easily overtaken me, ruined my day, steered me into a dark place.  How often he gave me a smile, a lightness in my heart that didn't come from the sunshine over my head, but the joy in which He bathed my heart. How many times have I taken for granted the kindness and love in my husband's eyes as he held me in his arms and thanked God for his wife. How many moments in our short marriage He has given us grace and wisdom to speak with gentleness to each other when our words could have so easily damaged our fragile hearts.

So today, I am thankful. And humbled. Once again, God has shown me grace that I could never deserve. Grace that should have been taken away time after time.

What a magnificent God He is.

And my song shall ever be:
Oh, how marvelous!
Oh, how wonderful!
Is my Savior's love for me!